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THESIS

by Joel Rockey

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1.
1 Fat Calf 04:23
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Shall I play you like a fiddle Or fear you like a king Whatever must I do to shake loose Yet another ring I need an escape plan generator Got the arsenal of a master manipulator Up my sleeve Your generosity is peerless Daddy dearest Lucky me I’ve sucked you up like gravity But now I’m older The tyranny of never being enough Will it ever adjust or will I be dust This time October? Gathered up the entirety of my allocated property And just as quickly pissed it away I gave myself away to a cosmic state But that’s a story for another day I need an escape plan generator Got the arsenal of a master manipulator Up my sleeve Your generosity is peerless Daddy dearest Lucky me I’ve sucked you up like gravity But now I’m older The tyranny of never being enough Will it ever adjust or will I be dust This time October? Scattered to the wind this time October… Who is this man if he’s not standing over my shoulder Did it ever occur to me that beauty might be more than in the eye of the beholder I was running from a hand of iron Cutting you off like a wall of barbed wire Now I’m tired There’s very little I can do but trust you as I collapse But it doesn’t take another rich young fool to see I’m one fat calf from a relapse What kinda son am I supposed to be I only turn away from my own poverty And lucky me You’re coming at me at a breakneck speed What kinda son am I supposed to be?
2.
How Many Sons 04:36
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Ask yourself one question: how many sons did a certain man honestly have? The truest believers all wanna believe that he’s the one and only begotten Who sweats in what’s left of these fields that haven’t yet been converted into cash? Now that the favorite is found they’ve all either lost count or completely forgotten Who is this son of yours? How could I quantify all that I’ve put myself through just to be seen? The position I’m left in, respecting the wishes of old men whose mortal coils shuffle to me While he’s taken to ladies to whom My mother, god love her, would never approve False alarm, ain’t nobody here dead, But for that knucklehead you’ll make every pathetic excuse Who is this son of yours? Who the hell is he? Christ leaving home for the sake of the world? I made myself nothing for the sake of your name But It looks to me like you’re saving your favor For more of these childish games More of these childish games No party has ever been thrown by this father Except for his child who could never be bothered To think of somebody else under the sun Whose face didn’t bear the reflection of the unfaithful one Call me son all you like, I might start to believe I’m more than your beneficiary Think of yourself as “Pa” all you want, but this sure as hell ain’t little house on the prairie But you keep cuttin’ rugs and unloading whatever you need to make yourself believe that he’s changed All the while, at the end of the day, I’ll collect my pay waiting in vain While that libertine’s cleaning you out again Setting the table for another homecoming And you’ll come running Yeah, you’ll come running I made myself nothing for the sake of your name But It looks to me like you’re saving your favor For more of these childish games I made myself nothing for the sake of your name But It looks to me like you’re saving your favor For more of these childish games more of these childish games
3.
Sheep & Coins 04:03
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Don’t expect me to wait for an apology Help yourself to my unapologetic affections Take my wardrobe and my ring My son, you will not want for anything Why entertain these fantasies of rejection I won’t deprive myself this blessed revelation Your face is nothing less than holy affirmation To behold an aging eyeful of revival Sheep and coins go lost all the time Some more than others are easy to find But all of our daughters and sons Who run off and hide from our version of love May never come Sharing spaces with the ghosts of children lost under my nose Falling heavy on your neck while you’re still rolling in the mud Chew the fat to your content, fill your belly with my wine To butcher my life for your folly will not cost your blood Have I left you in bewilderment with riddles Have you not had from the time since you were little what is mine Let’s not pretend we’re too blind To see what death could not deny Sheep and coins go lost all the time Some more than others are easy to find But all of our daughters and sons Who run off and hide from our version of love May never come They may never come back to find All the disappointments we’ve accrued in their eyes is just a consequence of us trying Call me a sucker if you will, its a bitter pill A sucker I would rather be than see your body in the ground I don’t wanna hear it if you’ve got some tea to spill If the crimes of my child are piling up, I’ll double down I won’t deprive myself this blessed revelation Your face is nothing less than holy affirmation to behold Go on and cast me as your rival I won't put my flesh and blood on trial Sheep and coins go lost all the time Some more than others are easy to find But all of our daughters and sons Who run off and hide from our version of love But all of our daughters and sons Who run off and hide from our version of love They may never come They may never come back to find All the disappointments that we’ve accrued in their eyes is just a consequence of us trying
4.
Eldest Sons 03:38
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You taught me to live, you’re teaching me how to die You sing every song that I’ve sung I was tossed to the wind when I pretended to fly I am the last in a thin line A thin line of eldest sons You’re every tooth in my grin, every hair on my head My heart’s pumping fifty percent of your blood All I remember is all that I learned to forget I am the last in a thin line A thin line of eldest sons I am the last — tired and true I’m the last one who hasn’t a clue When I’m through extolling the past Still will I be the one standing alone as the last You’re always right if I’m left except when I’m so inclined I’ve come up short in every game that you’ve won Still I run victory laps so that I’m always reminded I am the last in a thin line A thin line of eldest sons
5.
Brother 03:40
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Brother, you and I, we flicker toward each other, Shifting under shades of grey and it’s breaking my heart Where to go from here if you and I we can’t move across the table Are we just strangers with the same blood unable to forgive This space between the two of us Goes on beyond the pale When did I become your rival, Got my feet set to an insatiable fire Now you wanna turnaround and disavow true love for misery Can we not see eye to eye, you and I Can't we lay the arms we bear aside And try to see the other side of the wages of a day gone dark behind the sun This space between the two of us Goes on beyond the pale We can’t share this house together never reconciled Collect these spoils of a maladroit heart Carved up and portioned out to every temperamental child Cover up my nakedness, I will smother you with all the kisses in my lips Let’s take the piss out of each other, you and me This space between the two of us Goes on beyond the pale

about

In May 2021 I completed a thesis project which engaged the parable of a man and his two sons from the Gospel of Luke 15:11-32. These are the songs that I wrote for the project along with two songs revisited and either revised or completed in light of the work I was doing with the parable.

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released May 6, 2021

Written and performed by Joel Rockey
Recorded May 2021

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Joel Rockey Indianapolis, Indiana

song warlock who writes movies for your ear holes

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